The 16 women you will see on lesbian dating sites when you’re over 40
Have you noticed that there are a lot of similarities between lesbian dating profiles for women over 40? I have a brain that finds patterns and here are the one’s I’ve found so far. Please note, these are composites and any similarities to specific humans (or your exes, or mine) is completely random and unintentional.
Most likely to message you first
- Looking for Sex Linda – Linda will message you “hi, how r u sexy?” 5 minutes after you join the site. She has not read your profile. If you reply politely and tell her you are not interested, she will message you every time you change your photo.
- Catfish Connie – Connie is 21, Christian, and marriage minded. The picture she uploaded shows someone thin, white, with long blonde hair and cheerleader good looks, full makeup and long manicured nails. She has no lesbian content at all on her profile, and is travelling right now, but comes to your town frequently. She knows you are twice her age, but she likes older women. She is a romantic. She messages you first.
- Avoidant Annie – Annie has professionally shot photos with her dog, achieving something or being sporty. She is wearing sunglasses. She loves to travel. She is 50 and her longest relationship either lasted 1 year or ended more than ten years ago. She’s looking for short term dating or hook ups, but ‘open to more’. She is ‘independent’ and ‘likes her alone time’ and hopes you do too. Profile has few words, most of which are quotes. She “loves to laugh”. She capitalizes random words and laughs “hahahaha” in her profile. You remember her from the bar when you first came out. You’ve never seen her with a girlfriend.
Most likely to Never Message Anyone
- Just Checking this out Charlie – Charlie is just checking this whole online dating thing out. She’s answered a bunch of questions. All she has on her profile is one picture and the words “Just message me if you want to know anything.”
- Butch-Femme Felicia – Felicia is smart, well groomed, enjoys sarcasm and only dates butches or transmasc humans. If she neglects to put this in her profile, she will tell you in her first reply that you don’t look butch enough for her.
- New To the Internet Nan – Nan doesn’t see likes so please just message her already. She also is not a big fan of capitalization, spelling, spaces between commas and the next word and punctuation norms, nor complete sentences. Lots of elipses …. and run on stream of consciousness. ALL CAPS might happen too. She has been out a very very long time and would like to tell you about her accomplishments.
Most likely to message forever and never meet
- I Love My Kids Karen – Karen has wonderful kids who are the center of her life and would just like to get out of the house every once in awhile. She doesn’t actually have time to date, but would really like to message with you nightly after the kids go to bed and pretend she has a life. She proudly wants you to know that “My kids come first” as if that was a selling point to a single gal looking for a relationship. All of Karen’s pictures have her kids in them, except for that really old one of her at a party. She is super cute, so you almost consider it.
- Friends First Fran – Fran would like to be friends first (and maybe more…). She has no lesbian friends or involvement with any queer or lesbian activities. It is unclear if she’s ever been into “maybe more” territory.
- Just Us Girls Having Fun Heather – Heather’s husband doesn’t need to be involved, this is just for her, her face doesn’t show in her pictures but all you really need to know is that she has great cleavage and is ‘new to this’.
- Laura (and Luke) – Laura is part of a couple looking for a woman who will have sex with both of them. She is attractive, he is a man. They are “adventurous, fun and clean” (as if bathing overrides the whole man thing). The listing is in her name but her husband (they have a great marriage!) is in every single picture.
- Class Candace – Candace likes ‘the finer things in life’, ‘lives life to the fullest’, and enjoys travel now that she has time. Her pictures feature wine and patios. Her hair is mid-length, and she could pass for straight, but is not overly femme. There are no pet pictures. She does not like to talk about politics and answered the question about whether income was important in a match with ‘yes’.
- Outdoor Olivia – Olivia likes ALL the outdoor activities, and is never seen indoors. She appears to be super fit, although it’s hard to tell as her pictures are taken from so far away. If she has a dog, there will be several close up pictures, but just of the dog, alone. She has no other info on her profile because that’s all you need to know. She wants something casual, yet monogamous. Her and Annie went hiking once, but Annie couldn’t keep up.
- Pained Paula – Paula hates having her photo taken, if you believe the expression on her face. She likes tie-die and her cat. She wears her heart on her sleeve, family is important to her, she’s positive and kind. She randomly capitalizes words and doesn’t care about punctuation or spelling. She has a quote about being positive. Her and Nan used to date.
- TMI Tammy – Tam has provided fetlife-level detail on what she is into. She is either very butch or has a close up of her cleavage or butt in a negligee. Laura would like to date her but she scares Luke.
- Beer and Sports Bonnie – Bon has short hair, is solidly built, likes craft beer and hockey and is not looking for anything serious. Her profile has very few details. “Hit me up to know more” she says. Her pictures are taken from a distance in ski gear or in a boat or is one of her in a bar with a beer in her hand, a bit glassy eyed. Her profile picture might be an actual glass of beer. She hangs with Annie but they never dated. Her and Candace hook up sometimes, but it’s on the DL.
Any others you’ve noticed?
Photo by The New York Public Library on Unsplash